By Katy Ramirez, Beauty Wellness Leader, Energy Based Yoga Instructor, Performance Artist, and Spiritual Coach.
“Should you really wear that?”
“Should you post that?”
“Should you really use all that makeup?”
The word that could have killed me.
Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago life was pretty normal. I had a family, and a regular practicing Bible-based religion. It was your typical god-fearing way of life, the kind of middle American existence that so many people relate to. Our church minister preached in such a manner that my little kid mind computed his words into the idea that having pretty much any of my human desires would cause the eternal burning flames of hell.
I don’t identify as a rebel, however I have experienced life on life’s terms in my 35 years on this planet. I won’t go into a whole tell-all of my war stories to prove it, instead I will share my achievements of which I am most proud: Pursuing a life and career within my art; starting a yoga & wellness based business; and getting sober from drugs and alcohol in a 12-step program. These are all areas that go against typical American cultural norms.
I assure you that being taken seriously to get respectfully paid as an artist, performer, and makeup artist is a whole battle unto itself, aside from being acknowledged that my art is my career.
Saying “No” to a drink or shots while hanging out socially can eventually get awkward when others repeatedly say to me “You should just do this one shot with me!” Anyway, that’s all a conversation for another day.
My life experiences of being told “You should do x,y, and z,” turned into one very long spell in a self made mental-prison cell of me “should-ing” literally every move I made.
“Should I do this?”
“Should I do that?”
“Should I quit?”
“Should I move?”
“Should I pursue those dreams?”
Feelings of fear had deeply woven themselves in.
Being told “should” is a form of judgement in my opinion. Within my professional skills as a trained sideshow performer, I prance around on stages in bedazzled attire— some sexy, some with my body on display, entertaining crowds. And guess what? I LOVE IT. And people in the audience love it too. To all of the “should” people all over the world and on the internet, I say “Whatever!”
If people are going to judge us anyway, let’s love what we are doing.
I will go as far as saying that within the depths of my soul’s conviction, good health and body wellness starts when we let go of the idea of “should.”
Otherwise we’ll should ourselves so much that we’ll stay in that abusive habit, relationship, unfulfilling job, same city, same blocked joy, until we realize that we could have tried to cut ourselves some slack.
Journaling—a now-dying art, was my first discovery to my “could dream life” an exploration where I just freely wrote my thoughts. Something really special happens when a pen hits paper. While living in New York I started to find communities that love me to my core and have encouraged me over the years to let go of my “should” self talk. A meditation practice started, then came goal-setting. I did all that and became what felt like a whole new person, and now I am healing my trauma while using it as a tool in my studies as a Spiritual Coach.
What I have to say about that is, no one survives childhood or life unscathed, it just happens and if anything can be taken from my writing today, please hear this: with active work recovery from addictions, childhood trauma, personal trauma, family trauma— is possible, and we all deserve it in this lifetime.
Can we replace “should” with “could”?
What if “could” represented “I can” and the possibilities of the unknown?
The unknown scares us but, it is the unknown that inspired us to travel to outer space, to explore the depth of the seas, it is the unknown that brings us to emigrate to new states or countries, it is in the unknown where we follow love. Even setting a boundary might look like the unknown to you— it sure was for me.
When we step into the “could,” we explore expansion of our true self, and although it’s scary and at times lonely, we inspire others in our “could” or “I can” imagination where all possibilities live.
To me, fear and should are secret lovers that hide in plain sight.
Fear itself may very well break our hearts the day we realize how it stopped us from participating in our own life, forcing us to play small.
We could wear that.
We could post that.
We could wear that makeup.
We could change a habit.
We could rest.
We could read a book.
We could shift our thoughts by listening to a favorite song or podcast.
We could follow that dream.
But for now I invite you to try this, At some point in the day you could place your hands on your chest for a moment and connect to your heart, and body, with simply with no judgments and acknowledge with appreciation all you are and all you have in this moment.
Everything is possible within could.
Katy Ramirez, Beauty Wellness Leader, Energy Based Yoga Instructor, Performance Artist, and New to Studies as Spiritual Coach. Katy is following her ignited purpose sparked into action from her personal awakening shifts that took place in 2020. Now gaining clarity around her mission in this lifetime she is committed to divinely shifting disempowered people towards healing through a Radical Reawakening of their personal and sexualized trauma to live a life their dreams in a new found identity in strength.