By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Coach & Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution
An average day for five year ago me would look something like this,
Wake up and instantly feel a dread in my tummy.
Mentally prepare myself for the day, as if I were facing some big invisible battle, feeling in my body that I had to be prepared, get fired up, be ready for it.
Walking downstairs in my home and feeling a complete discontentment with life, mentally worn down by living life being prepared for this invisible battle that never came.
Having my energy drained waiting, anticipating, living on my nerves ends.
I had created this cycle of living and over a very short period of time.
I remember looking in the mirror and seeing my unkept appearance and thinking who is this person and where has vibrant Leanne gone?
I didn’t spend any money on myself for over two years, I wore old clothes, old shoes, I didn’t buy myself the basics, I had basically frozen myself out of life.
At the time I didn’t realise I was experiencing post traumatic stress, I just thought is this actually my life?
Just prior to that time in my life I had been the support for a member of my family who struggled with their mental wellbeing, I was on high alert after listening to suicide threats, having to call the mental health crisis team, having to shield my children from it all, and generally worrying myself sick about this person’s welfare.
I took their life as my personal responsibility.
I didn’t sleep at night in case they did something silly and during the day I disregarded my own work to take them out for the day to act as a distraction.
Then I had to stay up all night catching up on my own work as at the time I had a business with orders coming in.
All while juggling four children, two of which were under 12 months old.
It shifted from me being the carer to me getting the blame and months of insults and verbal abuse followed, but I couldn’t walk away as I had taken on their life as my responsibility, so I just allowed myself to be berated.
That constant state of anxiety that I woke up to everyday was my life for 365 days, living in that high state of anticipation, what next, unable to relax or unwind, feeling this incredible burden on my shoulders weighing me down.
The whole experience triggered every single shadow in me, I am not worthy, I am not good enough, I am the blame and somehow some kind of outcast, I am not viable, my life means nothing.
They all came flooding in like a tsunami.
I had to keep just pushing them down to deal with the situation at hand.
Pushing and pushing.
Until the waters broke so to speak, and they all flooded to the surface, overwhelming me, so I froze myself out of life to cope.
Not many people know this happened to me, as I am exceptionally good at ‘putting on a front’ some people even commended me on ‘managing’ this situation so well, ‘Leanne is so strong’ – I didn’t feel strong inside, I felt nothing.
I went through the motions of life to be a mother for my children, I loved them, I fed them, I cared for them and when they went to bed, I checked out of life, sitting in a daze waiting for the next day to begin for it to start all over again.
This cycle didn’t break until I was listening to something and the person said the words ‘that is not living that is just existing’, and it sparked something inside of me, that was me, I was just existing.
Whatever those words stirred inside of me I don’t know, but I know it took me in a direction where I began to reclaim my life.
Have fun and laugh.
Unfreeze myself out of life.
And this is why I feel so passionate about sharing stories.
The person on the screen who muttered those words will never know they started a chain reaction inside of me that led to me rebirth in life.
And you never know what impact your own words could have on another person.
This is why I created The Everyday Goddess Revolution, to create a platform for women to share their voice, to inspire and be inspired for the greater good of us all.
You might need to hear or read something today that will unlock something inside of you.
I was unlocked in one sentence, my life is a complete 180, I live a happy, vibrant, exciting, balanced, sometimes not great but I don’t hang onto that, mostly wonderful life.
We created an amazing book called Living Life Goddess Powered and it contains 25 stories, 25 opportunities to unlock something in another woman.
And we have so many other projects planned including Motherhood, Teen Girl, Entrepreneurship, Spiritual Gifts, Addiction – all with that intention to unlock something in another woman so she can reclaim her life and LIVE it.
We have The Oracle which is a blog you can contribute your words to, who might read what you share and feel a shift?? Even if just one person is moved by what you share it is amazing.
We have plans to unlock 3 million women around the world, to see them reclaim their power, reclaim their worth and LIVE their life Goddess powered.
So get involved, join the movement, be the change.
Thank you for being a part of our revolution for change.
Tons of love