What does that statement and phrase actually mean?
As a little kid when you start to walk around and be a little human you are taught certain behaviours. Your parents for the most part try and teach you right from wrong, how to behave in an ‘acceptable’ way and how to present yourself to the world out there.
Now if you come from the type of household where the standard question is to ask – What would people say if we did things in this or that way? – then that makes for an interesting life as an adult.
So many of us are constantly asked to consider what everyone else will think of our way of being. We are not taught to consider what is important to us or how we feel about certain issues. And this is not a blog about how we should blame our parents for being serial people pleasers, but this is a blog that moves you into the space of questioning your own behaviour.
Have you ever sat yourself down and looked at why you do what you do? Why you are exhausted and constantly giving to others without ever having any regard for yourself? Any idea why you have such awful boundaries and allow yourself to become a floor mat for those around you?
Well, maybe it is time that we have a bit of a chat… Boundaries are one of the biggest issues we all face and in my pursuit of finding myself it was one of the first hurdles that I needed to address.
My lack of boundaries in my own life created so much stress, anxiety, and burnout.
From a young age we are taught that we need to be less selfish, help others and be unconditional in our behaviour. Well, as lovely as that is, it creates a shit storm when you hit adulthood.
So take some time today to sit and think where in your life you are boundaryless. Make a list of people closest to you that you feel resentful towards. Those areas in your life where you feel like people are taking you for granted. How certain people never say thank you or even acknowledge what you are giving to them.
When we start to acknowledge where we are allowing others to take advantage of our energy and our goodwill that is the first step to finding your truth. When I realised that my time and energy mattered and wasn’t just there to serve all those around me it moved me to a different arena entirely. It allowed me to look at what I needed in my life and how I was not in integrity with my Soul. How she really wanted to help but from a place of her rules, a place where she made the rules. Not from a place of having to please others or to feel that she was constantly selfish.
Finding your truth is about bit by bit unravelling all the ideas that we hold about ourselves, about the world around us and about how we have been conditioned and taught to show up in it. And understanding the importance of honouring yourself and your needs is one of the first steps.
So take some time today to see where you are giving your power away and how you can start pulling it back so you can use it for something that your Soul actually wants to accomplish on this earth plane.
Yolandi works as a Soul coach with clients in more than 35 countries across the world. Her passion is deep Soul remembering and reconnection. Helping you to step through the fear, find your voice and own inner guru again. Through her work with Mary Magdalene and DNA activation she guides you through your journey of expansion and living your true Soul purpose.
If you would like to find out more about connecting with your own truth through spiritual DNA activation, you can book your session with Yolandi below:
By Geraldine Oxenham, Health Coach and Hypnotherapist
Emotional eating is a very real behaviour that can affect our lives in a variety of ways. But it’s not always easy to tell if what we’re doing IS emotional eating. In this article, we’ll discuss what emotional eating is, how to recognize it, and what to do instead.
How to Recognize Emotional Eating (and What to Do Instead)
At the time of this writing, the world is still stuck in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic.
I think we can all agree that this has been a very stressful and emotional time. We’ve all been experiencing a variety of emotions.
It’s led many of us to engage in behaviours as a form of escape… including emotional eating.
But what, exactly, is emotional eating?
What is Emotional Eating?
To put it simply, emotional eating is when you respond to certain types of emotions by eating. Makes sense, right? Our minds and bodies are very interconnected, so it makes sense that when we feel strong emotions, it can impact us on a physical level. For example, when you feel anxious, worried, depressed, or sad, frustrated, hopeless, overwhelmed, or tense, you may turn to things like food for a sense of comfort or escape (in a similar way that other people may turn to drugs, alcohol, or sex). It’s a way for us to cope with the things we are feeling and to exert some kind of control over our lives when other things seem beyond our control.
But, did you know that emotional eating doesn’t just happen when you’re feeling bombarded by NEGATIVE emotions? That’s right! In addition to eating as a response to negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and anger, we can also turn to food when we feel positive emotions (such as joy, happiness, or excitement) and even neutral emotions (like boredom). You can also engage in emotional eating when you’re feeling stressed – which can be due to negative things (like losing a job) or positive things (like starting a new job).
Another characteristic of emotional eating is that it often occurs in the absence of genuine hunger. In other words, you’re not eating to satisfy hunger – but something deeper.
Signs of Emotional Eating
Here are a few other common signs of emotional eating:
You eat in response to certain emotions (annoyance, anger, loneliness, disappointment, sadness, frustration, etc).You eat when you’re stressed out, anxious, or overwhelmed.
You eat when you feel tired or bored. You eat to feel happy (Note: This is different from feeling happy when you eat something you enjoy. I’m talking about eating specifically to evoke a feeling of happiness).You keep eating even though you no longer feel hungry or feel full. You have strong cravings (often for carbs, sweets, fatty foods, or foods you view as “comfort food”).You go out of your way to satiate your cravings – even if you have other options already on hand (for example, making late-night runs or ordering out).You give in to cravings on a regular basis (for example, grabbing fast food at the end of every workday even though you have healthier food at home).You feel guilty after you’ve eaten (because you spent money you shouldn’t have, knew you had healthier options, etc).You eat way more than you should or more than you normally would. You’re gaining weight because of the type and amount of food that you eat (Note: Weight gain is not always a sign of emotional eating, but it can be).You eat out of a sense of obligation. For example, you may eat when people around you are eating, even if you’re not hungry You may also have been raised to “finish your plate” even if you’re full. What are the Negative Effects of Emotional Eating?
While you were reading through the signs mentioned above, did you feel triggered by any?
What’s wrong with enjoying food or the joy it can bring? Why is eating things that bring you comfort bad? What’s so abnormal about craving something you enjoy?
In reality, the things above aren’t all unhealthy in and of themselves. Sometimes you just want what you want… and that’s okay. The point when emotional eating becomes a problem is when it becomes a habit. And let’s be 100% honest with ourselves — we know when something is a habit.
It’s one thing to have cravings every once in a while that you happily indulge. It’s one thing to have cravings when you’re pregnant and your body is going through all kinds of hormonal changes. However, it’s something else when you go through this list and realize that you do these things on a weekly or daily basis. That is when you have a problem. Here are some of the unhealthy effects of emotional eating:
You create an unhealthy relationship with food
Food can bring us joy. It can make us do little happy dances. It can even bring people together. However, neither of those is the natural purpose of food. Food is (at its core) a source of energy and nutrients for our bodies. Period. It’s what our bodies need to be able to function. All other functions of food are ones that we attribute to it – especially emotional functions. When you develop an emotional relationship with food, you essentially create a personal belief system in which food serves as a coping mechanism. As with any relationship, when you have unrealistic expectations or an unhealthy dependency, things will eventually fall apart for you.
You never get to the root of your emotional triggers
Another big problem with emotional eating is that you often don’t get to the root of the emotion that drives you to eat – especially if that emotion is a negative one. In other words, food becomes a bandage for your problems, but what you need is to HEAL the problem instead of covering it up.
You never resolve the problems that drive you to eat.
Because you never really address the root of your emotional eating, those problems might never be resolved. So you get stuck in a cycle where the emotional trigger pops up, you temporarily escape from it by eating, and then (at some point) it pops up again. Rinse and repeat.
You develop even more problems because of your eating habits. Not only does emotional eating cause you to avoid your problems — it can also create new ones. Emotional eating (especially when combined with unhealthy foods or overeating) can lead to digestive issues. high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and weight gain. If left unchecked, this can lead to heart problems, obesity diabetes, and an array of other very serious medical conditions.
So, what can you do to put an end to emotional eating habits?
How to Stop Emotional Eating
Start a Food Journal
In order to figure out what your emotional triggers are, I highly recommend starting a food journal. Keep track of what you eat, how much you eat, and when you eat for a month. Also, whenever you eat, make a not of how you’re feeling or if something significant happened right before you ate or felt a craving. Over time, you will likely see a trend in what causes you to turn to food as a coping mechanism.
Find Other Coping Mechanisms
Once you’ve identified what your emotional triggers are that drive you to emotional eating, you can start replacing eating with another behaviour. For example, instead of eating you could go for a walk, do some yoga, draw, paint, dance around the house, clean, call a friend to hang out, play a game, write or journal, or any other activity that you enjoy and that can occupy your mind.
Another way to resist the temptation to turn to food as a coping mechanism is to remove the temptation or make it harder for you to give in to temptation. For example, if you tend to turn to sweets when you are upset, don’t keep sweets in your house. That means that in order to get sweets, you would have to leave the house and go somewhere to buy them. If you tend to order delivery when you’re upset, try blocking restaurant websites and ordering websites (like JustEat or UberEats) from your browser. You can also delete any numbers you have saved from your phone. Of course, doing these things won’t stop you from going out or ordering in, but they serve as an obstacle that you have to overcome to indulge your craving — and give you time to think about whether or not that is something you should do.
I’d be lying if I said that this will be easy. breaking ANY habit is bound to be a challenge. But, if you have the right kind of support in your corner, it is that much more manageable. So enlist some supportive loved ones to help you stay on track with your goals. They can be people that you can call on whenever you feel like you’re going to give in to temptation. This support can also come in the form of an official support group or a counsellor/therapist who is trained to help people overcome food-related issues. A therapist, especially, can help you get to the root of your emotional eating triggers and help you to heal them.
Create a Plan
I can’t talk about healthy eating habits without talking about meal plans. It is really helpful if you have a plan for what you will eat throughout the day – including breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and dessert. When you know exactly what you’re eating (and when) it can make it easier for you to hold off on indulging in between meals.
Stick to Your Plan
Of course, no plan is worth the paper it’s written on if you don’t follow it. So, be sure to actually implement and stick to your meal plan as best as you can. If you fall short and give in to temptation, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just move on to the next meal and go from there.
Whenever you’re eating, do it mindfully. Think about what you’re eating. Savour each bite. Eat slowly and pay attention to your body so that you recognize when it’s telling you that it’s full. The more you eat mindfully, the less likely you are to overdo it or do it without needing to
I hope that this helps you to identify whether you’re an emotional eater and figure out a plan to develop a healthier relationship with food. As always, if you have any questions or want to hop on a chat to discuss your health needs, I’m only an email away. Reach out anytime at email@example.com and I’ll be in touch!
Geraldine is a Health Coach and Hypnotherapist and works with smart, professional women who are fed up with being a slave to food, drink, self-doubt and all the other habits that are keeping them stuck.She helps them ditch the junk from their head and their plate so they can finally be happy in their skinny jeans and their skin!
By Buckso Dhillon, Spiritual Coach Practitioner and Actor
Love and greetings to ALL you Diamonds in the rough
Yes that’s right, YOU! This is why we’re ALL here and I came to realise this for myself last year. After my dad passed away in January 2020, I was left with SO many questions. We hadn’t had a great relationship and so, it made things worse in that, I couldn’t make sense as to WHY I was SO affected by his passing?
I mean, id always been what you’d call “quite spiritual” having been that gal who started seeing psychics from the age of 20 but for some reason, after dad passed, i was met with this cavern of questions!
The main one being, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE, IN.THIS.LIFE? What am I ACTUALLY meant to be doing cos, the way i saw it, my pops came here when he was 17 from India married mum, went on to have kids, whilst also working his bits off, till he was 74 and then died. I mean.come ON! is that IT?? IS that all we are here to do? It just wasn’t good enough for me and so, I started to really ponder this ONE repeating thought.
Did you know, they only need 1g of carbon from a loved one’s ashes, to create a diamond? Yeah, i know right? Folks like to do this as a way of remembering their loved one and keeping them close.
But MY thoughts were, “oh yeah lovely, make a nice diamond necklace from the ashes but, WHY do we have to DIE in order to (metaphorically) reveal the diamond that’s obviously IN us? Why aren’t we living life in all our TRUE brilliance, revealing ALL those many facets of ourselves that show the world just how BRILLIANT we truly are? Why ARE we SO prepared to take this most precious aspect of us, to the grave? It’s our God given right to live a life FULL of all the beautiful things available to us and therefore our DUTY, to ensure we show our gratitude and appreciation at being given the best job in the universe. A LIFE! So how WILL we show this gratitude etc?
The mere fact its a miracle we are born should be enough for us to want to live the BEST life we possibly can and so I realised, in that moment, Id decided to make it my “thing” to help others UNEARTH the diamond within and live their life IN purpose and as the true ESSENCE of who. they. are.
So THERES the proof, its IN us all along but, why do we need to die, in order to reveal it to the world hmm? Its sacrilege, right? The mission i have now in life, is to unearth the diamond in ALL of us. We deserve to shine BRIGHT and reveal the many facets we have, so that we can really be in harmony with our heart and souls’ desire. So if YOU know, deep down, there’s WAY more to you than is currently presenting and you WANT to leave your legacy in this world but aren’t sure of how to do this, just reach out because…
Its ALL about the diamond in YOU…
Buckso is a Spiritual Coach/Practitioner & Actor, getting into the latter quite late in life just over a decade ago. Through her life she has acquired a myriad of skills that serves those individuals who have dreams, ambitions and desires of their own, whatever line of work they’re in. Those looking for direction and support that may be missing for them for various reasons such as an unsupportive network, friends, family and social circles or a lack of direction. Spirituality has played a big part in Buckso’s life and shes been on her own quest for the last 30 years, knowing there was more to this existence than met the eye. Through her various trainings in different healing modalities and teachings, Buckso brings a whole other dimension to the work she does with her clients which includes Quantum Healing, Reiki, Access Bars, Sound Therapy and living life through universal laws in order to help “unearth your purpose” and so much more! Her love for Acting hasn’t waned and she hopes to continue bringing light to the Industry, with her contributions within the entertainment arena. Buckso grew up with her dreams and ambitions unsupported and discouraged by everyone around her so, she went through the last 30yrs focusing solely on her goals, encountering her fair share of trials and tribulations along the way! The biggest lesson to date came after the passing of her father, in January 2020. This brought about an awakening that led to a “downloading” of her latest life lesson, “Unearthing the Diamond Within”. Buckso is now on a mission to share her wisdom and teachings, to inspire, motivate and encourage women ALL over the world, to embrace their TRUE essence, find their voice and ALWAYS live and speak, THEIR truth!http://www.bucksodw.com
By Samantha Harman, Award winning Editor and Personal Stylist
“It’s not my place to tell you this, really,” said the optician, staring at me sternly across the desk, “but you’re only young. The way you are working is insane and if you don’t start making time for wellness, you’ll need to prepare for illness.”
You know how sometimes people talk about the ‘wake up call’ that changed their life? This was mine.
For months – years even – I had been existing in a life that made me miserable.
I was an editor of newspapers. I had achieved the dream I’d held since childhood, despite all the odds stacked against me. This was it. The pinnacle. I’d made it.
So why did I feel burned out, jaded and anxious?
Newsrooms are tough places. You sink or swim. And due to massive industry changes over the last decade, the landscape looks totally different to how it was when I started.
The workload was massive and I’d often find myself at my desk late at night – I missed weekends, Christmases, even my own birthday party. But, hey, this was how it was SUPPOSED to be, right?! This is what it means to be ‘successful’ according to our society.
Go to school – get the grades – go to university – get a job (you’re already in massive student debt) – maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get a mortgage – work and work and work until you retire or die.
This is the corporate dream!…
So why does it feel like a nightmare?
When the pandemic hit, my work life went into overdrive. The news cycle was 24/7… and so was the amount of time I spent in the office.
Added to this was the increasing pressure from outside forces. You have to have thick skin to be a journalist. You are threatened and abused daily.
It got to the point where I was feeling incredibly cynical about the world. Every day, after a long shift, it was my responsibility to sweep through the hundreds of comments that had been left on our social media pages – absorbing it all. People aren’t accountable for what they say online. They don’t understand that what they type doesn’t disappear into the ether. It is read and processed by a human.
It all took its toll on me and I was exhausted. Having worked 40 days consecutively, a Saturday off finally rolled around… and I could not drag myself out of bed. When my husband eventually coaxed me downstairs with the promise of coffee, I couldn’t stop crying.
I began to get incredibly bad headaches, my eyes were so sore I could barely see. I went to get it checked out and that’s when the optician told me that my long-term, stress-related psoriasis had gotten into my eyes and caused an infection.
That was the moment she looked at me across the desk and changed my life.
All the signs had been there, but suddenly it was like I was seeing things clearly (despite my inability to actually see clearly!)
Why had I let myself become so depleted? Why had I allowed the opinions of others to weigh me down and limit my expectations for myself?
What was it I REALLY wanted from my life?
It was the middle of a pandemic, but I knew this was my moment for change. I knew I’d been putting off what I wanted to do, because despite the stress, bathing in these toxic, shallow waters kept me safe. There was a big, deep ocean out there and now I was ready to dive right in.
I’ve ALWAYS loved two things – women and clothes! I’m one of three girls and I have a natural affinity to women. I love helping them shine.
I’d always managed to marry my personal style (think sequin peacock) with my workwear. This was no mean feat in a high-stress corporate environment, but I was determined to be authentic and, through my authenticity, encourage more women to do the same.
When I began posting my outfits on Instagram, I would get messages from women asking for my styling advice. In particular, they had questions around how to dress for work; how did they represent their brand through their clothing? If they had an important meeting upcoming, how should they dress?
Styling went naturally with my experience as a magazine editor and I could see there was a gap in the market for someone who could offer a complete personal branding package (styling, media strategy and confidence help).
And so I qualified as a personal stylist, hired a coach, quit the job that made me ill and decided to GO FOR IT.
Yes, some people told me I was mad. Didn’t I realise there was a pandemic on?! First of all – I’d done nothing but report on the pandemic for months… yes I knew about it, thanks.
Secondly; when people say something is impossible, they mean for them, not for you.
Mindset work helped me realise I’d spent a lifetime kowtowing to other people’s limitations and expectations.
There was a vibrant woman buried underneath a landslide of societal rubbish and I was determined to smash it all to pieces and find her again.
I know so many millennials feel like I did. We have been sold a lie. We’re taught that happiness is contained in material things – we spend our lives chasing milestones we’re conditioned to need and when we get them? We either realise this isn’t happiness OR we’re too exhausted to enjoy them.
My job now is to help other women level up, unlock their potential and find their confidence again. It is the most rewarding, wonderful work I could have hoped for.
Here are three things I’ve learned on my journey:
1) You are NOT trapped When we have a calling in our souls, our ego tries to keep us safe by telling us all the things that could go wrong. You’ve got bills to pay, mouths to feed? Stay safe – stay stuck. Sure, you might be miserable, but.
But… but… here’s the thing. Whatever job you’re in right now; it isn’t guaranteed. We think there is safety in employment. And so we keep working towards someone else’s dream instead of going after our own.
You are NOT stuck. You have a choice. Don’t put your future and your happiness in someone else’s hands.
2) Mindset is EVERYTHING You can have all the dreams you want. But until you tackle your blocks and put in the work, they’ll stay as that – dreams. I didn’t realise that I was carrying memories and lies that have shaped my experience as a woman. Some of them went back YEARS. It’s only by addressing these that you can properly move forward. Yes, it’s painful, yes it takes work. But I really do feel like a totally different person to this time last year.
3) There is no such thing as competition ‘But loads of other people are doing it’ – that’s something your ego will tell you about your business dream.
YES, they might have similar businesses… but they aren’t competition, because they aren’t doing it how YOU do it. The reason the Universe has given you a calling is because you are supposed to help people. And all the while you shrink yourself and ignore the idea that’s in your soul, you’re failing to use your gifts for what they were meant for.
Samantha is an award-winning editor and personal stylist, dedicating to helping women smash their goals. She made her way from trainee journalist to editor in the space of a few years, having funded her education by doing jobs like housekeeping and cleaning. She has been named Editor of the Year, Journalist of the Year and USA Today Individual of the Year. She was the first female editor of the Bucks Free Press in its 160-year history and today edits Oxfordshire Living. She founded The Style Editor in 2020 after being constantly asked by women how they could incorporate their personal style into their work wardrobes. She helps women level up their confidence through personal styling and media strategy. Her clients have been featured in the national press, on TV and radio. She can be found on Instagram @Samantha_style_editorhttp://www.thestyleeditor.co.uk
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Transformation Coach & Founder of The Everyday Goddess Revolution.
What do you think about when you hear the word brave?
For me it used to conjure up a sense of going to war and facing something difficult.
For a long time, I didn’t feel brave, I didn’t feel that it was not a possibility for me.
Now I would consider myself to be not only brave but to be in fact a fully-fledged warrior with many badges of honour and possibility a cape… actually yes definitely a cape!
Being brave is not what I used to perceive it to be, it’s not about going to battle and facing something difficult – it’s about understanding.
When you have that narrative of – I must be brave – you are responding to the way you have perceived the situation.
This is why some women face things without batting an eye lid and some women are tentative, while some run for cover and hide.
We are all perceiving this life in our own unique way, based on our inner state.
Being brave is not ‘overcoming’ something, it is understanding your emotional response to things and using that to make an empowered decision in life.
If I felt fear I used to retreat, take going live on facebook for example.
I created a narrative in my head that I chose not to go live because I have kids and in case, they interrupted etc
That was a load of rubbish.
I created that narrative to compensate for the overwhelming feeling of – OH MY ACTUAL GOD – whenever I felt like I had to press that little button and go live.
I used that excuse for a long time, I knew I was lying to myself but part of me was buying it, while the other part was rolling their eyes at it all.
Now I go live even when I feel my hands shake pressing the button.
See how I compensated and created a life experience around a perception of
going live on Facebook?
My perception was this – I am ok writing and sharing blogs etc, in fact I love it, it’s a daily ritual for me, I grab a coffee and get my laptop out and I wait for a topic idea to pop into my head then I write what I feel about that topic.
Its emotionally comfortable.
Going live on facebook…. Well what if I freeze, what if the topic doesn’t come, what if someone asks a question I cannot answer, what if people laugh at me, what if I don’t make sense….
That is not emotionally comfortable..
You get the picture!
But the more I told myself that story of how I decided I had chosen not to go live, and I was actually in charge of the whole decision for the good of all (ha!) the brighter a light I shone on my fear of going live until it was built up into a HUGE mountain of a situation!!!
One day the eye rolling part of me grabbed the reins for a short while and had a stern word.
It’s not fear.
It’s just not normal for you and your current perception is based on a past experience of going live – and the first time I went live it was a disaster.
So, my narrative from then on was – if I go live on facebook it will be a disaster.
I didn’t have to be brave, I had to just take a moment to understand where my ‘story’ was coming from.
So of course, taking action against that narrative would cause a little spark of friction, until the action itself of going live became normal.
My unconscious now welcomes the opportunity to go live – because its tried it and tested it and it has a new memory of the outcome…..
Being brave is simply knowing your emotions are showing you a projection of where your perception set point is at in that moment and then making a choice to either proceed, knowing you will be creating new normal and it might be emotionally uncomfortable for a short while, or retreat and live forever within that limited space of past experiences only….
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Coach & Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution
An average day for five year ago me would look something like this,
Wake up and instantly feel a dread in my tummy.
Mentally prepare myself for the day, as if I were facing some big invisible battle, feeling in my body that I had to be prepared, get fired up, be ready for it.
Walking downstairs in my home and feeling a complete discontentment with life, mentally worn down by living life being prepared for this invisible battle that never came.
Having my energy drained waiting, anticipating, living on my nerves ends.
I had created this cycle of living and over a very short period of time.
I remember looking in the mirror and seeing my unkept appearance and thinking who is this person and where has vibrant Leanne gone?
I didn’t spend any money on myself for over two years, I wore old clothes, old shoes, I didn’t buy myself the basics, I had basically frozen myself out of life.
At the time I didn’t realise I was experiencing post traumatic stress, I just thought is this actually my life?
Just prior to that time in my life I had been the support for a member of my family who struggled with their mental wellbeing, I was on high alert after listening to suicide threats, having to call the mental health crisis team, having to shield my children from it all, and generally worrying myself sick about this person’s welfare.
I took their life as my personal responsibility.
I didn’t sleep at night in case they did something silly and during the day I disregarded my own work to take them out for the day to act as a distraction.
Then I had to stay up all night catching up on my own work as at the time I had a business with orders coming in.
All while juggling four children, two of which were under 12 months old.
It shifted from me being the carer to me getting the blame and months of insults and verbal abuse followed, but I couldn’t walk away as I had taken on their life as my responsibility, so I just allowed myself to be berated.
That constant state of anxiety that I woke up to everyday was my life for 365 days, living in that high state of anticipation, what next, unable to relax or unwind, feeling this incredible burden on my shoulders weighing me down.
The whole experience triggered every single shadow in me, I am not worthy, I am not good enough, I am the blame and somehow some kind of outcast, I am not viable, my life means nothing.
They all came flooding in like a tsunami.
I had to keep just pushing them down to deal with the situation at hand.
Pushing and pushing.
Until the waters broke so to speak, and they all flooded to the surface, overwhelming me, so I froze myself out of life to cope.
Not many people know this happened to me, as I am exceptionally good at ‘putting on a front’ some people even commended me on ‘managing’ this situation so well, ‘Leanne is so strong’ – I didn’t feel strong inside, I felt nothing.
I went through the motions of life to be a mother for my children, I loved them, I fed them, I cared for them and when they went to bed, I checked out of life, sitting in a daze waiting for the next day to begin for it to start all over again.
This cycle didn’t break until I was listening to something and the person said the words ‘that is not living that is just existing’, and it sparked something inside of me, that was me, I was just existing.
Whatever those words stirred inside of me I don’t know, but I know it took me in a direction where I began to reclaim my life.
Have fun and laugh.
Unfreeze myself out of life.
And this is why I feel so passionate about sharing stories.
The person on the screen who muttered those words will never know they started a chain reaction inside of me that led to me rebirth in life.
And you never know what impact your own words could have on another person.
This is why I created The Everyday Goddess Revolution, to create a platform for women to share their voice, to inspire and be inspired for the greater good of us all.
You might need to hear or read something today that will unlock something inside of you.
I was unlocked in one sentence, my life is a complete 180, I live a happy, vibrant, exciting, balanced, sometimes not great but I don’t hang onto that, mostly wonderful life.
We created an amazing book called Living Life Goddess Powered and it contains 25 stories, 25 opportunities to unlock something in another woman.
And we have so many other projects planned including Motherhood, Teen Girl, Entrepreneurship, Spiritual Gifts, Addiction – all with that intention to unlock something in another woman so she can reclaim her life and LIVE it.
We have The Oracle which is a blog you can contribute your words to, who might read what you share and feel a shift?? Even if just one person is moved by what you share it is amazing.
We have plans to unlock 3 million women around the world, to see them reclaim their power, reclaim their worth and LIVE their life Goddess powered.
So get involved, join the movement, be the change.
Thank you for being a part of our revolution for change.
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Coach & Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution
We all have that feeling, I want to say niggle, but its more than that, it’s a knowing sensation that never leaves us but is quite often drowned out by ‘life’
It is like living in two dimensions, one that sees your potential, sees possibilities, and you can just swim around in what could be, without fear or hesitation where you see clearly what is meant for you in this lifetime and then there is the dimension that is filled with noise, words, assumptions, that force a feeling in our body that we then go on to further analyse. What does it mean about me? Why do I feel this way?
Depending on what we have created as belief’s about who we are depends upon the type of emotional sensations we experience. I am not worthy, or I am not good enough, comes with emotional pain that stop us in our tracks and we second guess who we are and what we are capable of.
But what do you do in life without a second thought, for me I am a mum without a second thought, I drive without a second thought, I cook without a second thought, I could go on but all of these parts of my life I just do, without a great amount of emotional pain.
No fear, no judgement, no hesitation, I just dive in and do it.
Now ask me to stand on a stage and speak in front of 7000 people and the noise gets louder. The assumptions I have made along the way, they all run through my mind on a carousel, reminding me of every time I have felt like a failure, not good enough, not capable.
Our experience of everything is always based upon the character of ourselves we have constructed as we have gone about life, making meaning of the time we were left out, or the time we failed, we branded ourselves with an assumption and our life is filter by these assumptions, until we decide to create a new filter.,
So how do I navigate the noise when those moments strike? I listen to that niggle, that knowing sensation, that whisper sharing my hearts desires and I trust it.
I trust that what is meant for me will not pass me by when I cooperate with it, trust it, act in a way that takes me closer to bringing it into my life.
I feel the fear and do it anyway.
I trust the truth of the niggle over the temporary emotional resistance.
I allow the emotion to come, without resistance, I know where it is coming from, I don’t fear it won’t leave and a listen harder to my heart.
Because we all know deep down what is meant for us.
We know and we pretend we don’t, we know yet we wait for signs to give us confirmation, we know yet we ignore it and create a story about how this blindly obvious truth of who we are is not actually true.
What is in your heart?
What do you know is meant for you in this lifetime?
Trust yourself, you are enough, you are capable, and you are magical.
By Iona Russell, Conscious Business & Mindset Coach
What Is Your Vision of Success?
It’s a popular word and a much sought out way to live for many creatives, healers and entrepreneurs. For some, it’s the material things that they use to measure their success. For others, it’s about living an authentic life free of limiting beliefs. You see by shedding that which holds them back, they can go on to make a greater impact.
What most people struggle with is identifying those beliefs and taking aligned action to move beyond what has become the norm for them.
Are these familiar to you? Fear of what others think? Being Visible? Questioning your worth and, ’toughness?” Stuck in hustle mode?
These are pretty common limiting beliefs and often what most struggle to shift. What if you could shift the BS… that’s your limiting belief system and elevate to the success you have always dreamed of?
What do you tell yourself every day? Because how you talk to yourself sets the scene for your success.
Do you start the day setting intentions and visualising your life and the business you want?
Your mindset is a tricky little thing and can easily become stuck in negative ways of being. Yet, by focusing your intention you start to move forward. You have to work at it, don’t expect a quick fix. Remember that the brain of yours is one big massive muscle, and muscles must be strengthened daily.
Take aligned action to make your vision reality. Now, back to talking to yourself. Are you being honest?. Are you keeping promises made, such as… “I will workout twice a week.” “I will meditate daily.”
If you are making these statements but not taking the action then you’re unconsciously saying to yourself
“I never follow through with what I say.”
The truth is to achieve the success that your soul cries out for you need to get these unconscious thoughts in check. Start with being honest and realistic with what you can do right now.
The Key To Your Success Lies In The Past
What if there was a way to rid yourself of your limiting beliefs? You know what you want. You are doing the work yet it feels like there is an invisible barrier holding you back.
Could the answer be in your past?
I have seen many women release beliefs that have been holding them back – ties that have conditioned them into believing they were not enough and preventing them from confidently stepping into their power.
Imagine being able to access parts of yourself long forgotten, this is what happened to a client of mine when I facilitated a past life regression. She had been feeling lost, you see and didn’t know her calling and so she went on to discover she had forgotten her most precious gift.
Oh yes!!! Past Life Regression seeks to take you on a soul journey to uncovering your purpose, exploring memories and discovering parts once hidden. With such a unique resource you can truly understand your limiting beliefs. That client I told you about, she was able to access and connect into untapped gifts.
And through past life regression, she remembered she had been a writer. A writer!! This wasn’t something she was actively doing in the here and now, but she got to see and witness her success as a writer. More than that…Felt that success.
She made the most remarkable breakthrough and is now using her gifts. She took to writing afterwards.
Shifting Into Success For 2021
When you finally shift the shit, you can clear business and life blind spots and level up into your true soul success.
What’s stopping you from achieving your most authentic life while creating incredible desires and outcomes?
You can probably list countless reasons on your fingers and while some of these may hold…I’m sorry to say that the actual culprit is indeed that face staring back at you from the mirror. Now stick with me here…
Your reasons are valid, but that doesn’t mean you should disregard your dreams. You owe yourself more than that, don’t you think?
”Take that unworthy belief!”
What would you do right now, if nothing was standing in the way of the life you wanted?
Now, hold that vision – Begin here. See where you want to be – this helps refocus your mindset and create the vision you want.
This is about getting super clear and permitting yourself to live life on your terms. So you can amplify to success and embody the vision you have always wanted.
No more cookie cutter approach, no more one size fits all, because you are Unique and you are here for more. To find out more about breaking out of the box you find yourself stuck in, to break the ties that bind you, and finally shit the stuff holding you back, reach out to Iona at at firstname.lastname@example.org Alternatively you can submit your request for a discovery call at https://www.ionarussell.com/discovery-call-questionnaire/
You can also join the free Vision Quest and meditation Circles under the metaphorical oak tree, to find out more email me email@example.com
Called a Wizard without the illusions by her clients, Iona guides wild hearted women to overcome self doubt and unconscious blocks to confidently create soulfully aligned success in all areas. She is a Conscious Business Coach and Consultant, Mindset Shifter, International Author, Radio presenter, Speaker, Spiritual Guide, Clinical Hypnotherapist and Spell Weaver helping you embody your Big Vision.
Iona is known for creating rapid personal and business growth for both her clients and herself, and in the past 20 years she has:
Helped more than 1000’s women around the world confidently create aligned success living their purpose Taken her coaching business location independent Traveled the world to places like Hawaii, Sydney, Nepal, LA, Vancouver and London Flown a microlight plane through the Himalayas Landed her dream book deal with That Guys House (an independent wellbeing publisher for mind, body & spirit) Her first book ‘Making Waves’ is endorsed by Dr David Hamilton, a Hay House author. She has a deal to write 3 more. She has 3 books launching this year (2 are collaborations) Her ‘Shine On’ show on wellbeing radio has had over 60,000 downloads. And her second season is being kicked off with a bang “WTF Conscious Collective”. Been featured in the covers of magazines, in numerous online and print articles and national newspapers such as Thrive Global, Natural Health, The Sun national newspaper and many more. Spoken on stages around the world including The London Mindful living show 2020 Collaborated with leaders and highly influential, successful soul-centred entrepreneurs
Iona Russell’s core philosophy is that no matter who you are, where you’re from or what your personal circumstances, it is possible to reinvent yourself from the inside out, live your purpose driven life and change this planet.
No more cookie cutter approach, no more one size fits all, because you are Unique and you are here for more. To find out more about breaking out of the box you find yourself stuck in, to break the ties that bind you, and finally shit the stuff holding you back, reach out to Iona at at firstname.lastname@example.org Alternatively you can submit your request for a discovery call at https://www.ionarussell.com/discovery-call-questionnaire/
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Coach & Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution
I had a breakthrough last night around a few areas of my life that I want to share with you all, as I fully believe that as women, we all fall into this trap in some area or another.
I was accepting life.
I was accepting a certain situation.
I was accepting it in some strange counter intuitive way that I thought was the right thing to do because peace begins with me, right?
But I was totally and utterly keeping myself held in a teeny tiny container of life because of that one decision to mutter ‘it is what it is and that’s all it is’ around a certain area of my life.
Now that sentence is a bit of a mantra for me, it prevents me from spiralling into an emotional pit and allows me to process things with a more rational mind.
But I had become a slave to that mantra, it is what it is, oh well, not meant to be.
Now don’t get me wrong, I FULLY sense when things are not meant to be, my intuition screams in my face, but having this blasé approach, blanket approach to all of life for the sake of not breaking my own peace has not served me well at all.
Here is the thing.
We are powerful creators.
We have magic running through our veins.
It is true that when sleeping women wake mountains move and it’s a powerful, almost scary and definitely intimidating power that is inside each and every one of us.
Quite possibly the reason that over time the ‘women’ has been played down, kept in the home, but that is another blog all together ha!
Sometimes when we get a glimpse of that power it even scares us!
And we retreat, to a place that feels less full on, less SHE-ra.
Because when we stand in our power, that is what happens, we become unstoppable, change makers, creators, illuminators.
Now where in that description does it fit to accept life?
Where in the realms of limitless possibilities does it suit us to accept ANYTHING.
And that was my breakthrough.
The power lay in my mantra, I had handed it away, that mantra became my point of creation.
My subconscious heard – Leanne accepts things as they are.
And so creating any change in the areas I had accepted to maintain my peace, well it was like trying to drag a double decker bus up a very steep hill.
I had the passion, I wanted to reach the top of that hill but because all of the power lay in the mantra – Leanne accepts what she gets – it was an impossibility for me to reach the top.
Not because I couldn’t, not because I didn’t deserve it, not because I wasn’t worthy, but because all of my focus was on – Leanne accepts life as it is.
I couldn’t have ever possibly created any other experience for myself when the power had been placed on that mantra, fixed on it, creating from that very point of reference.
So, I say this to every woman out there.
STOP ACCEPTING LIFE
In fact, if something means so much to you, that it pulses from your heart everyday DEMAND IT for yourself.
Take up the space you need to, so you make it happen.
If you want to write a book – WRITE IT
If you want to travel somewhere – TRAVEL THERE
If you want to change your career and do something that no one else would understand and think you had completely lost your mind – DO IT
If you want to change your friendship group – CHANGE IT
If you want to say something that you only ever keep inside – SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOF TOPS
There are no rules in life – NONE
You pretty much have a clean slate every single day from which to create your life circumstances.
YOU get to write the script of how your life turns out.
What are you accepting in your life that you do not feel should be a part of your experience?
Choose something new today.
What is it that you want to experience? because you can.
How do you want to feel? because you can choose.
Who do you want around you? because you can create that also.
Let the nervous energy of making a choice that you have no idea of how it will ever happen for you catapult you and motivate you into achieving that very thing.
So tell me, what are you going to change today?
What are you no longer accepting?
I am with you.
I am here for you.
I am cheering you on.
I am so proud you are reclaiming your power.
Sending so much love and always live your life Goddess powered.
By Katy Ramirez, Beauty Wellness Leader, Energy Based Yoga Instructor, Performance Artist, and Spiritual Coach.
“Should you really wear that?” “Should you post that?” “Should you really use all that makeup?”
The word that could have killed me.
Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago life was pretty normal. I had a family, and a regular practicing Bible-based religion. It was your typical god-fearing way of life, the kind of middle American existence that so many people relate to. Our church minister preached in such a manner that my little kid mind computed his words into the idea that having pretty much any of my human desires would cause the eternal burning flames of hell.
I don’t identify as a rebel, however I have experienced life on life’s terms in my 35 years on this planet. I won’t go into a whole tell-all of my war stories to prove it, instead I will share my achievements of which I am most proud: Pursuing a life and career within my art; starting a yoga & wellness based business; and getting sober from drugs and alcohol in a 12-step program. These are all areas that go against typical American cultural norms. I assure you that being taken seriously to get respectfully paid as an artist, performer, and makeup artist is a whole battle unto itself, aside from being acknowledged that my art is my career.
Saying “No” to a drink or shots while hanging out socially can eventually get awkward when others repeatedly say to me “You should just do this one shot with me!” Anyway, that’s all a conversation for another day.
My life experiences of being told “You should do x,y, and z,” turned into one very long spell in a self made mental-prison cell of me “should-ing” literally every move I made. “Should I do this?” “Should I do that?” “Should I quit?” “Should I move?” “Should I pursue those dreams?” Feelings of fear had deeply woven themselves in.
Being told “should” is a form of judgement in my opinion. Within my professional skills as a trained sideshow performer, I prance around on stages in bedazzled attire— some sexy, some with my body on display, entertaining crowds. And guess what? I LOVE IT. And people in the audience love it too. To all of the “should” people all over the world and on the internet, I say “Whatever!”
If people are going to judge us anyway, let’s love what we are doing.
I will go as far as saying that within the depths of my soul’s conviction, good health and body wellness starts when we let go of the idea of “should.” Otherwise we’ll should ourselves so much that we’ll stay in that abusive habit, relationship, unfulfilling job, same city, same blocked joy, until we realize that we could have tried to cut ourselves some slack.
Journaling—a now-dying art, was my first discovery to my “could dream life” an exploration where I just freely wrote my thoughts. Something really special happens when a pen hits paper. While living in New York I started to find communities that love me to my core and have encouraged me over the years to let go of my “should” self talk. A meditation practice started, then came goal-setting. I did all that and became what felt like a whole new person, and now I am healing my trauma while using it as a tool in my studies as a Spiritual Coach. What I have to say about that is, no one survives childhood or life unscathed, it just happens and if anything can be taken from my writing today, please hear this: with active work recovery from addictions, childhood trauma, personal trauma, family trauma— is possible, and we all deserve it in this lifetime.
Can we replace “should” with “could”? What if “could” represented “I can” and the possibilities of the unknown?
The unknown scares us but, it is the unknown that inspired us to travel to outer space, to explore the depth of the seas, it is the unknown that brings us to emigrate to new states or countries, it is in the unknown where we follow love. Even setting a boundary might look like the unknown to you— it sure was for me.
When we step into the “could,” we explore expansion of our true self, and although it’s scary and at times lonely, we inspire others in our “could” or “I can” imagination where all possibilities live.
To me, fear and should are secret lovers that hide in plain sight. Fear itself may very well break our hearts the day we realize how it stopped us from participating in our own life, forcing us to play small.
We could wear that. We could post that. We could wear that makeup. We could change a habit. We could rest. We could read a book. We could shift our thoughts by listening to a favorite song or podcast. We could follow that dream.
But for now I invite you to try this, At some point in the day you could place your hands on your chest for a moment and connect to your heart, and body, with simply with no judgments and acknowledge with appreciation all you are and all you have in this moment.
Everything is possible within could.
Katy Ramirez, Beauty Wellness Leader, Energy Based Yoga Instructor, Performance Artist, and New to Studies as Spiritual Coach. Katy is following her ignited purpose sparked into action from her personal awakening shifts that took place in 2020. Now gaining clarity around her mission in this lifetime she is committed to divinely shifting disempowered people towards healing through a Radical Reawakening of their personal and sexualized trauma to live a life their dreams in a new found identity in strength.
by Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Coach & Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution
I have had the opportunity to learn this lesson, many times over, until I finally started to realise, it is not my job to resolve the expectations of others.
That feeling of someone demanding something from you, demanding you to respond to them in a way that alleviates and soothes a limiting belief that resides only in their mind. That feeling used to make my stomach drop.
As someone who reads energy before actions or words, when I sense people are expecting something from me, demanding something from me, demanding I behave in a certain way and then categorising me when I don’t fulfil their needs – I tend to close down.
This has been one of my life lessons to learn and for years I attracted people who overwhelmed me with their needs and desires, having an intense fear of speaking my truth, instead allowing them to project their need for me to support them to make them feel good about themselves or experiencing a petty response.
Needing me to behave in a way that they want and demand me to, otherwise being offended and choosing to place the blame of their emotional tension for not getting what they want on me. Married with my fear of speaking my truth – created many a disastrous situation and drama! ha
100% of conflict comes when a person expects you to behave in a certain way, there is a failed expectation.
This human experience is a funny old one, you can either live life fully in your mind or live life one foot in and one foot out.
I choose 18 months ago to live life fully committed to one foot in and one foot out, after years of going back and forth.
One foot in, knowing my truth as a powerful creator of my own life, one foot out knowing the oneness of life.
I began for the first time in 41 years to create boundaries and one of those boundaries is the knowledge that I no longer attract anyone who demands me to behave the way they expect me to and go in a huff when I don’t.
Its not energy I need to navigate anymore as I have done my work around that now.
It was a pattern I had to break, a lesson I was meant to experience and navigate in this lifetime.
The clues to where we need to do our own work lie in the patterns, what keeps coming up in our lives.
What is always the end result of relationships, situations, and events for you?? What are your common worries, problems, thought patterns? – that pattern is the biggest clue of the beliefs that are holding you back.
Fear of using my voice and speaking my truth has been a strong unconscious and conscious belief for many years.
I was conscious it was a problem, but I was overwhelmed by the fear to understand how to navigate it.
That spell was finally broken very recently when I had a session with Soul Coach, Yolandi Boshoff. She helped me to understand fully where this intense fear had come from and helped me to break the cycle and since fear of speaking my truth has not been a problem for me.
We bring with us trauma and beliefs from our past lives that become our unconscious, but we are created as individuals to experience our own experience journey, we are one, but we are not here to be the crutch of another human being navigating their individual truth and trauma.
Imagine the world if we all took 100% responsibility for our own trauma and unconscious beliefs rather than projecting them onto another?
Seeing others with absolute compassion, seeing their actions and behaviours as a result of what they were navigating in their own mind, rather than taking it as a personal attack.
Freely setting boundaries and choosing who and what is meant for your life right now, knowing you are not responsible for any other person’s experience.
Knowing we all have something to navigate in this lifetime and can only navigate to the best of our conscious awareness.
Everyone just doing the best they can.
For me being around people who are not aware of their unconscious beliefs and thus projecting them outwardly on me doesn’t work, that’s my truth.
And we are all have our own truth, and that’s totally fine.
By Lucy Jeffery, Solo Entrepreneur and Founder of Bare Kind
I’ve always got my energy from being around people. I loved working in teams at work, I would choose team sport hands down over any kind of individual sport.
Yet I quit my job at a large corporation, where I was surrounded by colleagues all day, to dive into solo entrepreneurship.
The truth is, I didn’t really think about the social repercussions. I did not foresee how difficult it would be to regulate my own work day in and day out. It’s so difficult to come up with ideas when you don’t have anyone else to bounce off.
However I wouldn’t change it for the world, because I am experiencing an incredible period of growth right now. I have learned more in the past 2 months since leaving my job, than I did in my whole 4 years I worked for a bank.
The sense of purpose I feel trumps everything else at the moment, and so I am able to use this as motivation to find ways to counter the pitfalls of being a solo entrepreneur.
I save animals by selling socks!
I sell bamboo socks where 10% of the profits are donated to animal conservation and rescue charities. I get to draw my own designs and have them come to life on a sock, and help save those animals in the process. It’s a far cry from banking, and I absolutely love it.
But as I said before, being a solo entrepreneur can be lonely, especially during lockdown when we aren’t getting any social interaction otherwise!
I am learning how to work for myself, and these are a few things I have discovered along the way:
1. I thought I had ditched the networking life when I left the corporate world. Turns out it is even more important now, and about 10x more fun! I have no qualms in reaching out to other entrepreneurs and asking to connect in some way, it’s inspiring learning about someone else’s story and you never know where one connection might lead.
2. There are so many free resources, groups and communities. Some would say too many, in fact you might join a group and find it’s not what you are looking for. I take value from the groups I am involved with, and I move on if I’m no longer enjoying it or learning from it.
3. I ring my friends and family. I think we have all been doing this more often since the pandemic hit, understandably. It goes without saying that I am so much happier after interactions with the people I love.
My main take away so far, and I think something that a lot of people could learn from, is that the things I was most worried about most when I quit to become a solo entrepreneur – money, failing, not knowing what I am doing – they’ve all been eclipsed by my mental health. Finding ways to stay social, happy, and healthy are just as integral to the business (if not more so) than the practical aspects of running a business.
Becoming a social entrepreneur has been one of the most rewarding leaps I have taken so far. The ups and downs are all part of the journey, no different to life really – so jump in and live your life!
Lucy is a solo, female founder who started her company Bare Kind because she wanted to do more for the world. She sells bamboo socks that save animals, by donating 10% of the profits to animal conservation and rescue charities. Lucy started Bare Kind in 2018, but only recently quit her full time job to run the company by herself. She has some reflections to share with you on the trials and tribulations of becoming a solo entrepreneur. http://www.barekind.co.uk
When our son passed away, I remember one of the ladies at the hospice telling us not to be alarmed if people crossed the road when they initially saw us or if they tried to avoid us in some way.
She explained that this wasn’t because people didn’t care, but rather because they just don’t know what to say and they are frightened of getting it wrong. At this point, I hadn’t had much experience of grief (not in my adult years anyway) and I remember thinking ‘surely not’ – but she was right. In fact, the wide range of reactions to grief that I saw during those early days really got me thinking – why is it, when grief is such a natural part of our human experience, are we so unprepared for it? Why do we feel so uncomfortable around grief? And why do we seem to struggle so much to hold space for our own experiences of grief, as well as those of others?
The problem is that grief is raw and messy. Its edges are jagged and sharp. There is pain, darkness, and vulnerability in grief. We can’t control it or put it in a box. It brings with it physical discomfort and fear. So we try to hide away from it, in an attempt to dull the pain. We hide it behind a smile, as we tell people we are doing just fine – we are managing, that we are ok. This is often at great cost to our physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing – as behind our mask our grief bubbles, threatening to overwhelm.
Society tells us that time is a great healer, and that we will get over our grief in time. It gives us timeframes in which we are expected to return to work, to get back to normal – it sets expectations of when we should have moved on by. When we can’t meet these timeframes and expectations, we can feel judged for this – we may well even judge ourselves. We feel as though we are getting it wrong. We can feel ashamed and inadequate because we are not moving on, because we are not getting over it in the way that others appear to be doing. In the depths of our grief, we are unable to see that others are wearing the same mask as us.
But in amongst the raw, messy, pain of grief – there is also beauty, deep love, and connection. We experience grief when we have lost something or someone significant to us. When our son died, I lost all that he was and all that he was to become – our present and future forever changed in a moment. The space he once physically held in my life, now a gaping, empty hole. The problem with this expectation to get over it and move on, is that it implies that in time we can go back to who we were before our loss. It doesn’t take into consideration that big gaping hole. It doesn’t acknowledge that grief is an expression of love – a deep love and connection that doesn’t end because that person is no longer physically present in our world. It doesn’t honour or recognise that, for all the reasons above, we are forever changed by our loss.
No, there is no moving on or getting over our grief – but rather a moving with it. It isn’t easy, in fact it is crazy hard, but we can move forward with our grief. To do this we need to learn how to sit with our grief in all its raw, painful, messiness. To hold space for those jagged and sharp edges – for all the vulnerability grief exposes. We need to rid ourselves of expectations, of judgement, and allow ourselves the space WE need to heal as individuals. We need to acknowledge and honour our personal experience. In doing so, those jagged edges begin to smooth and soften somehow. We can begin to learn to live with our grief – to move forward with it instead of hiding from it. We begin to grow and evolve around the hole they left behind and find joy as we remember all that they were with love and a smile. Of course, there is pain and sadness when we think of all they were yet to be and all that we have lost – but grief is an expression of love, and love is never lost. Where once they walked beside you, they now walk within and there is a great beauty in knowing that they are still a part of you – one that helps to soothe the overwhelm that once threatened to take hold.
It is often said that unresolved grief is at the root of many problems, so perhaps the most beautiful thing is – that when you hold space for your grief, you create space for others to do so too. When you share your truth, speaking openly and honestly about your experience in all its raw, messy, vulnerability – you create space for others to do so too. When others do this, they too create space for more people and so on – creating a beautiful ripple effect. The more that people share their experiences of grief – their real, honest, mask off experiences, then we can begin to change the narrative in society. We can begin to break down those timeframes and remove the expectations and fear of judgement. We can begin to remove the fear and discomfort and help to prepare future generations for this natural and inevitable part of our human experience.
It seems fitting to end with a quote from a poem I have written: –
‘I no longer fear my grief,
For now I see grief as an expression of love – that sometimes makes my eyes leak.
With my hand on my heart, I feel you.
For rooted deep within love and connection – I know you are always near’
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Transformation Coach & Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution.
Ok so I have helped over 50 entrepreneurs become published in either a collaborative book or their own stand-alone book and this I why I am so invested in supporting people to share their wisdom through the written word.
It is so easy now to become an author, to have your words in printed books for sale around the world. It is so easy I genuinely do not know why more people don’t so this.
At the Everyday Goddess Revolution, we are committed to creating resources that raise the collective consciousness and we have some super exciting book projects planned to launch over the next 24 months and beyond.
It is something that I am so passionate about, to the point where, as I type now my heart is literally pounding, I want people to realise the value of their words, to see the magnificent role their wisdom plays in the rising of others on this planet.
You are the oracle, We are the oracle.
When we share our heart we directly touch and inspire another heart, who guess what?! well, they go on to touch and inspire another heart and so the chain is created.
The wave of magic that flows from awakening the wisdom from within, passing from one person to the next.
You see people read a book and literally come alive.
Something sparks inside of them, they remember something, they have awoken the Goddess (or god) within!
I have been personally moved to the point of life transformative by reading the words of another and what I want to create is a movement of everyday people seeing the value in their wisdom within and encouraging them to courageously step up and share it.
We live in our heads, we function in our heads and the process of writing and being in that creative flow takes you beyond that place, it takes you to your truth.
A wonderful perceptionless place where all and everything is possible!
I love the process of birthing a book, it is a journey and experience I will never grow tired of.
Books bring people together, the begin conversations they create opportunities, they shift perception and facilitate awakening.
The process of building the book chapter by chapter, collaborating with the energy of others, seeing them in their creative flow, receiving the reviews and then actually holding the creation in my hand, knowing I played a part in bringing it to life.
I remember when I first voyaged down the road of bringing people together to create a published book, I learned every lesson I know now about publishing, I jumped into the process feeling sure that it would all flow and it all went wrong, it was the steepest learning curve ever and one that I am so grateful for because I got everything wrong the first time round and set off to find better ways, and I did.
The experience almost put me off for life, but gladly that whisper within my soul kept on coming and I decided to use the situation to my advantage and learn everything I could about publishing a book.
My motto in life is where there is a will there is a way and we should aim for progress not perfection so even when you think you are fully prepared you are not, just like I wasn’t my first time round doing it alone, but it provided me the much needed lessons to be able to learn in preparation with launching my amazing world wide mission and growing it to be the number one ‘go to’ source of spiritual inspiration resources for women and teen girls.
From a practical perspective, a book is the perfect way to begin a relationship with potential clients, to give them a taste of who you are and what you are about.
It is the perfect way to release that creative flow that is desperate to come out, it is the perfect way to realise how far you have come, I am always amazed when I write down my life’s adventures just how resilient I was in the difficult moments, I see myself in a new light and I know the reader will relate and see themselves in a new light also.
Another thing to remember, it doesn’t have to be perfectly written, essays at school have to follow the rules, you pouring your heart out, well that is a different matter, share your words authentically in your own voice and in your own way, no rules apply.
What have you triumphed that someone right now might only be at the beginning of that journey? What might you say to that person, so their passage is more comfortable?
What are you passionate about? Who do you help? What might they need to read to find motivation and purpose in life?
If you are inspiring women or teen girls, I would love to help you bring your words to life in a published book under the umbrella of The Everyday Goddess or you could join one of our wonderful collaborative writing projects launching this year.
If you have had the niggle to publish a book, then reach out and let’s do this! Contact me Leanne@leannemacdonaldwellbeing.com
So in answer to your quandary – Should you self-publish? Absolutely yes!
Tons of love
Leanne MacDonald – Founder, The Everyday Goddess Revolution
My ego was well and truly transformed when my son was born. I wish it were because of the glow of meeting my sun but it wasn’t; I didn’t know if he was dead or alive for four hours. The years I had spent building my identity, my power and what I believed to be important were smashed to pieces in four brutal hours. I very much don’t recommend that route of transformation; it has taken me years to re build a new ego and a new sense of what is important. It is brutal, sharp and cruel to anyone in and around that kind of trauma. I was a high achieving, perfectionist, controlled woman and I lost all control of the most important situation a mother can ever be in. I realised in the space of four hours that nothing, and I mean nothing matters and everything is fragile. So here is the story of the ever-changed person that I am learning more about every day.
My first contractions started at 3am. I was petrified but excited to get this baby out of me. I mean it was my second child so I knew exactly what to do, or so I thought. The jokes I made about leaving the curry menu out for that evening as we left the house still haunt me, because that didn’t happen. I had a lovely water birth and everything was going well until, well, he came out blue. Not moving. No noise. And that was it. The horror started there really. After he was swept away there was a chilling void in the room only filled by sounds of horror from my equally traumatised husband, nurses explaining away their actions, cleaners cleaning away the blood and my repeated requests to know if my baby was alive. I came as close as anyone can in those four hours to my primal self, my skin peeled back exposing every tender part of my being. Each of my nerves sending pulses of pure pain through my body in a fit of grief and confusion.
Fast-forward four hours and my baby boy was stable, very low on oxygen and undergoing a very new hypothermic treatment. Fast forward two weeks in special care and the treatment was over and they found no overt brain damage but only time would tell as to the long-term damage. In that two weeks I was sat by my baby’s side, doing anything that would warrant me a mother to this little cold person. I remember, however, the moment my mind, body, soul and ego froze when I was told to ‘pray for miracles’. In that moment I had a realisation that in the near perfect life I had created I needed a miracle to overcome the worst thing that could happen to anyone. I immediately slid off the edge of my former self into an abyss of emerging PTSD, anxiety and depression.
My baby was home and he was the most perfect little squidgy person and I got him every bit of help I could find. My incredible six year old daughter loved being a big sister, and I worked hard with my husband to adjust to a family of four. I threw myself into my children obsessively but I wasn’t able to keep up with them. The brain is a funny thing; it had trapped all of that raw emotional trauma somewhere and it was slowly sending my brain into some kind of black treacle infested fog.
It took me three years before I admitted I needed help. I was failing at work, I was detached from my family and I was loosing friends in a haze of fear and anxiety. I had worked so hard all my life to build something and I was unable to maintain it any more. I had to find a new life and a new me. I sought help in the form of counselling and it was there I uncovered that I had PTSD and embarked on a long series of talking therapy. Amazingly the talking helped the trauma to move from the treacle infested corner of my brain into where all memories are processed in a healthy way. Talking about every detail of that day from the colour of the walls to what I was wearing meant the event became more real with every detail. It was a very hard process to go through. I still cry now at the thought of some moments of that day but it was essential to make sense of it all.
The other thing that has helped me is mindset training, affirmations and gratitude’s. I can’t urge anyone enough to look into that as a way of addressing mental health issues. It helps me anyway, and I still practice it every day. So what have I become? Well, I am still working on that but I am ever changed and feeling well. My son is a very amazing, gorgeous, tall and funny seven year old who has additional learning needs (that journey will take a whole new blog to explain). My family is my biggest gift and I treasure them every moment. I am grateful and humbled by so much that I have in my life. I wouldn’t have understood the importance of that frame of mind seven years ago, but now I treasure it.
By Emma Conally-Barklem, BWY Teacher, Holistic Massage Therapist, and Writer
Yoga is a path of self-realisation which puts you in direct contact with the source of who you are under the layers of fear, misconception, judgement and perception. As such it is a unique tool for self-empowerment
To be empowered one must first be able to see on a conscious level what is there and, the most difficult part, to accept all that they find without judgment. For many people this is the endeavour of a lifetime. An excavation into the human soul and our place in the universe. What is it to feel, breathe, shiver through this existence, a vulnerable flame of self, encased in this body? This enquiry has fascinated theologians and philosophers alike throughout history however, in the 8 limbs we have a route map to unpick and observe the often tightly drawn weft of our hopes and fears.
We unravel in order to be drawn together once more in a resilient pattern of self-determination. We bend, stretch and breathe and see through to an infinite peace which exists underneath the surface of things. The jarring clamour of our everyday lives makes it difficult to hear the vibration of the universe so we utter the sound vibration of ‘Om’ to re-connect.
We examine our reactions, our cowardice, and our generosity and see if we can hold them all in a tremulous compassion which is brave enough to acknowledge our complexity. We evade boxes, try not to grasp and strive and feel our heart quickened by a child’s laughter or a sunset. In these moments we know whatever comes our way we can handle it as we have witnessed our ego squirm on the mat, felt the discipline required to take a step back, developed stoicism in the face of uncertainty and felt the pain of loss before.
So what then of empowerment? To step into satya or our own truth could be limiting if the sadhana of Yoga becomes a selfish exercise in self-absorption. Yoga teaches us that to feel empowered we must let go-of the past, of the moment, of the answers. In this comes liberation or moksha. We must use the pranic energy we generate in our practice as a force for good, for the collective.
As Satchidanananda states in his translation of Book Two, Sutra 25, ‘When a strong person crosses a turbulent river, she will not walk away after crossing but will stand on the bank and help pull out everyone else’.
By Emma Conally-Barklem, December 2020, All rights reserved.
So excited that you are here in this community and even more excited for what is to come throughout 2021!
You might be wondering, so what is The Everyday Goddess Revolution??? How did I end up in this group / mailing list / following this page, what is this all about??
OK so my name is Leanne MacDonald, and I am a Spiritual Transformation Coach as well as Founder of The Everyday Goddess Revolution.
The EDGR (honestly its just a little long to keep typing the full name so from now on we shall refer to the project at EDGR) was created late in 2020 after a vision I experienced during a meditation.
I had been planning to create this for some years but in my vision, I could see very clearly that it was time to get moving!
EDGR is an oracle, a font of all knowledge and wisdom for women and teen girls around the world to tap into at any time.
We are also a community – I wanted to create a community where you could come and seek support, guidance, and most importantly be reminded of your own inner Goddess and begin to trust yourself, your ability, remember how worthy you are and start to thrive and feel alive.
We want YOU to open up, awaken and share your wisdom with one another as well as our collective shining their light, guiding you in the right direction when needed.
Something I struggled with for years was seeing value in my own words and then having the courage to share them with others.
EDGR is a platform for EVERYONE as we all carry that innate wisdom inside of us and we all have something to say that can help another woman, a story to share, a pearl of wisdom, a lesson learned.
The ethos of the project is WHEN SLEEPING WOMEN WAKE, MOUNTAINS MOVE, and we are here to move the mountains together!!
So – what can you expect by being part of this community?
We officially launch on 08th March, International Women’s Day with a BANG!
THE SUMMIT – Inside out Facebook group we will be hosting the Goddess Empowerment Summit, a collection of short talks being shared by our wonderful collective, a group of coaches, mentors, and healers from around the world.
THE BOOK – On the same day we also launch our first collaborative book ‘Living Life Goddess Powered’ a book of wisdom and inspiration for all women ready to awaken their confidence, worth, truth and purpose.
There are many many projects in the pipeline being launched throughout the year, all with the intention to raise consciousness, support women to rise into their pure potential, and to move the mountains. – in all areas of your life.
LIFE – BUSINESS – MOTHERHOOD
We also want YOU to be a part of this and I encourage you to harness your courage and share your voice in our oracle.
The Oracle is our blog, and we see this as an integral part of our project with a mix of guest posts from our collection, coaches, mentors, healers, and YOU – The Everyday Goddess.
It is time to unravel the stories you have created so far about yourself and your life and recreate them based on the truth of who you are.
You are pure potential, a limitless creator.
If you got this far, thank you!
It is so exciting to be leading this project, but it is very much a community and collaborative effort and I would LOVE you to become a part of this project in some shape or form and help this new wave of awakening women to gain momentum and ripple around the world.
Tons of love to you Goddess
PS – If you would like to submit a guest post to our blog click below and scroll to halfway down the page.
By Shveta S, Intuitive Therapist and Co-Author of ‘Living Life Goddess Powered’
I come from the culture where thinking about separation or divorce still implies a disaster, destruction of a family unit, impacting kids in a negative manner.
True that it’s a crumbling of the ideal(labelled by mankind) family unit and it does impact kids. But it’s far better than staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of kids.
Few years ago, when I came to the realisation I am living in a broken marriage, my heart pounded so hard that I almost felt it stopped beating. I tried to runaway in an opposite direction from the realisation which was so stark and clear. I was seeing my marriage ripping into pieces and all I wanted to do was bandage it, sticky tape to avoid the leakages.
It started haunting my day in day out for months as I was so scared to even dip my tippy toe to the new waters. My pattern of saving the world kicked in and all I desired to do was become oblivious to that awareness. I wished to save my unit which I knew was no longer intact.
Living in a broken marriage for me was like strangling myself and facade it with furnished look.
I was breaking from inside and thought to continue like this until I could no longer hold that mask. It was disintegrating into splinters and my worry was kids and what others would say. The moment I disclosed that I want to come out of the relationship, it was as if the whole world wanted to fix it.
Our well-meaning people, family, friends approached thinking that it could be integrated back to normal. All of them in a subtle way, started pressuring me to stay together as that’s what they felt was right for me. But the truth is no one ever knows what others want or what feel right for them.
They only see from their level of perception. I was labelled naive, angry, stupid, manipulated etc. I caved in for few months only to realise that it’s me who’s not happy and I can’t convince others to see from my standpoint. Our culture has conditioned us to believe:
No matter what, you need to stay together with your spouse until death do you apart.
It’s damaging for kids if the parents seperate.Sacrifice your needs to keep peace in the family.
After you have kids, you need to live for them and you no longer should have your own needs.
Prioritising your needs is selfish.
Make the marriage work for kids.And several others that made me question myself until I could replace them with healthy beliefs:
You should stay together as long as the relationship helps you grow together.
Thinking/Prioritising your needs is not selfish but it’s self care that brings love, joy and happiness and helps you spread the same.
Sacrifice is not love, it’s ignoring your needs which creates anguish, resentment, anger, hatred etc in the long run.
Freeing yourself from unhealthy relationship is a kind and compassionate act towards you and others.
Staying in an unhealthy relationship to please kids, parents or others will slowly run you out of steam.
Relationship between two adults require mutual efforts and if one is dragging it to make it work, it’s not a healthy relationship.
This helped me clear my conditioning, belief system that no longer served me which supported me to step in my power and doing what felt right for me. It wasn’t easy at all but worth it.Wish you all the love and great things in your life.
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Transformation Coach, Author, Founder of The Everyday Goddess Revolution
Your intuition is not a quiet whisper, it’s a full on brass band affair..
I am smiling as I type this blog today as I am an incredibly intuitive person, we all are – but I am very conscious of my intuition and can read a situation in nanoseconds.
I have had to stop facebook scrolling a long time ago as even seeing photos of people
I have been this way my whole life, even as a child.
BUT – Did I ever follow my intuition…
For years I did not, it was the strangest thing.
I would get this thought – DO NOT DO THAT AT ANY COST and happily proceed with the thing…
Like walking directly into the lion’s den, and of course it always went belly up.
For YEARS I made decisions to pacify and resolve my beliefs, I played a game of trying to prove myself wrong.
Like Jumanji for self-belief!!!!!
I used to think I had smashed one level and felt good again and then some random situation would drop out of the sky to remind me that I had not and there was more ‘work’ to be done…
All the while there was my intuition tap dancing, covered with flashing lights with a marching band behind them trying its best to direct me.
The urge to pacify these beliefs I had were stronger.
That feeling of not being good enough was intense and painful that when an opportunity came for me to prove to myself otherwise, I took it, regardless of what was screaming inside of me.
As I look back at my life now every decision was made because of emotional pain.
An addiction to resolve this emotional pain became the path I chose to take.
I was playing the game with beliefs that were made up.
But they felt so real in the moment.
So real that the emotional wave that came with them was so uncomfortable I just HAD to resist it.
That was the mistake.
Dancing with the illusion.
And it is something we all do as we are human beings!
We all have moments where we are fully immersed in the experience that we cannot see the wood for the trees and instead run around the woods screaming, panicking and waving our arms getting even further lost and deeper into the woods.
When all that is needed is a pause and a question – what direction should I go?
The answer ALWAYS comes and you follow it.
Even if that answer doesn’t make sense.
Even if you do not currently consider yourself to be intuitive, its an innate part of you – you can’t not be intuitive, its who we all are.
We all have inside of us a wisdom that is connected to all things, I am quite tuned into this and am quite an ‘empath’, so I can fully embody another person’s energy and read their current emotional stance in life without a word being spoken.
We are all connected that is how I can do this – and you!
I think another reason that I used to ignore my intuition, it used to share information with me that made me think HELL NO!!
I am not walking into that awkward situation.
I would rather stay here fighting with an imaginary belief about myself thanks!
But the funny thing is, and you will see this for yourself as you start to trust yourself more.
When intuition speaks – its right,
Everything falls into place there after – when you follow it that is!
I have had times when I have had to walk away from situations and I have known this would be the best case scenario and my ego starts to panic, starts to project all of these ‘what if’ scenarios in my mind, starts to anticipate the conflict that turns into a fear of actually following my heart.
But when you do follow your heart it all works out, the times I have followed my heart and have anticipated the biggest fall out, it never came.
Things just worked out.
A massive part of self-inquiry is getting the surface stuff out and then moving into the intuitive part.
This is why I love it so much!
During the day I am so busy just being a human being that I love to spend a morning and evening reminding myself of my actual intuitive, creative and innate power.
Some people are able to wander around in this amazing permanent state of ‘Godness’.
I have four kids, I am self-employed, we are in a pandemic and home-schooling lockdown sitch….
It is a roller coaster, but one I navigate a lot easier because I spend those precious moments tuning in.
Seeing my emotional patterns for what they are and moving beyond them.
Being aware of this ‘created’ self of me – Leanne.
Knowing when I am in my unconscious patterns and when I am in my joy and choosing accordingly.
Tons of love
Spiritual Transformation Coach, Author & Founder of The Everyday Goddess Revolution
By Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Transformation Coach, Author, and Founder of The Everyday Goddess Revolution.
Do you believe that you are a good parent?
Or do you beat yourself up over how you ‘think’ you should be? I did this for years; I was that mother with serious comparisonitis.
How did other parents manage to look so well turned out, how did their kids look so balanced and happy, how did their facebook page look like a scene from Disney land with rainbows and unicorns.
Was I doing enough? Was I good enough? How could I do better?
Attending mother and child groups was like having my eyeballs removed. It was painful. Is your child doing this, and that and the other? Can your child juggle while singing the national anthem? Does your child eat quinoa with butternut squash and drink chamomile tea? Does your child speak five languages and whistle twinkle twinkle little star backwards in the dark?!
Ok, I exaggerate but the intensity of the questions and story shares hit me like a ton of bricks. No, my children cannot do all these things. So, what the hell does that mean about me?
That ‘what the hell does that mean about me’ question became a common one. When ever I felt like I was lacking in some kind of parenting way it always cropped up. The answer to that being reinforced time and time again. You are not a good parent.
If you are not able to be, do, have, say, behave in a certain way – you are not a good enough parent. I honestly did not believe in myself for a long time. My intention was there to provide the best experience ever for my two younger children but whatever I did was always viewed through this lens of – you are not a good enough parent.
I could have built a matchstick model of the Taj Mahal and still not been good enough, in fact whatever I did as a parent was just not good enough.
I had read the books, I had watched the you tube videos, I had signed up to courses, I had attended seminars, I had even completed a child psychology diploma and every action I made as a parent I always viewed in the same way – I am not good enough.
It honestly did not occur to me that I could see myself in another light. I really thought that the feelings I had about my parenting skills were true, factual and real.
I was at place A (not good parent feelings) and wanted to get to place B (parent of the year vibes). I had read everything that told me that if I read, I would get to place B. But it still felt out of reach.
All this perception was taking place in my own awareness. My mum told me I was doing a great job, strangers in cafes were telling me I was a great mother – but the thoughts I was having about my ability overshadowed that as I believed my own thoughts to be real and doubted the opinions of others.
I danced this merry dance for eight years! Eight years of beating myself up, comparing myself to other parents, wishing and willing to be in a place that I did not feel possible for me. All the while completely ignoring the here and now.
The kids were quite happy with their mum, but I was like ‘hang on kids, a better version is coming’
Looking back, it is mad to think I literally put my life on hold for a quest, a quest to be a better parent, instead of just being a parent.
I was parenting of course, an innate part of me showed up everyday to be a parent, while my mind engaged in constant chatter about my ability – my inner parent just parented, and like a boss!
I was not aware of this inner parent for a long time because I was so focused on my thinking.
This inner parent just knew what to do – always. This inner parent cherished and connected with the children, anticipating their needs. This inner parent knew how to comfort and encourage the children.
This inner parent knew what was important and what was not, and most importantly this inner parent knew how to have fun and embrace life.
This inner parent is what my children experienced.
We all have this inner parent and without exception, we just sometimes cannot hear it because of the noise.
The advice from others, the comparison to others, what our parents think is right, what our partners think is right, what the TV says is right, what the parenting books say is right.
We end up entertaining all these ideas and can end up drowning out the lovely little voice of our inner parenting guru saying ‘hey, over here’.
That feeling of ‘you are not good enough’ that grew and grew to a deafening noise, was my personal alarm. It was my inner parent saying get out of your head and back into your heart – all is well.
So, I did! I started to listen to my heart and what felt right for me and my children. I even wrote an inventory of my parenting expectations and worked through the list to understand where they came from.
Did they come from a book, from a conversation, from someone else, from my parents, from my family or did they come from my heart?
This opened a whole new way to see myself as a parent. I was good enough at doing me, and I would always struggle trying to be someone else.
What feels right and works for one parent may not for another. What feels right and works for one child will not for another children.
We are all unique, as are our children, and we all have our own unique needs and there is no one rule fits all when it comes to parenting.
Our family units differ, we differ, our children differ. The only way we can truly be the best parent to our children is to follow what we feel is the right thing for them in the moment.
Once you connect to and trust that inner parent you can never fail, you can never make the wrong choice, you will never need to seek external advice.
You will be guided all the way.
All the time that I was buying into the story of ‘I am not a good enough parent’ I was reinforcing that as a fact and ultimate reality, blocking me from seeing myself in any other way.
How do you see yourself, what statements are you playing on repeat about your ability as a parent? This will act as a lens of how you see all your parenting abilities.
What parenting ideas and rules are you trying to live up to? Are they coming from your heart? If not, where are they coming from?
Really understanding the story that you are creating is key to reconnecting with your inner parenting guru.
Our thoughts are a moving energy, they continue along their journey of flowing in and out, allowing us the opportunity to play with them in the process of creating experiences in life.
They flow in and out without meaning, they are neutral, and we all perceive those neutral thoughts in our own unique way.
That thought of ‘I am not a good enough parent’ did not mean anything about me until I made it mean something about me.
I believed a fleeting thought, which I probably perceived in a state of sleepless nights, to be a fact about me.
Let us explore where you are at right now and how you could look at things from a new and fresh perspective.
What words would you use to describe your own parenting ability?
What areas of your parenting ability do you have an issue with or feel you lack on some way?
What stories are you trying to live up to which would mean you are lacking as a parent?
Are these stories / beliefs coming from the heart or from ideas you have picked up along the way?
What is important to you as a parent?
What areas do you have the most conflict with your children?
Is what you are trying to police something that is important to you or something that you feel you should be imposing as a parent?
What words would describe the ideal home life / parenting style?
Why do you feel (if you do) that you are not there yet?
What is it that you are doing when you do feel that you are there and in that place?
What parenting ideas and limitations could you let go of because they do not feel right in your heart?
Enjoy getting curious about how you see yourself as a parent!
by Leanne MacDonald, Spiritual Transformation Coach, Author and Founder of The Everyday Goddess Revolution.
The biggest transformation has occurred in the relationships I have with my children was when I stopped taking their behaviour personally.
It sounds so obvious doesn’t it? Yet we fall for it so easily.
Our children are feeling their way through life and learning and exploring new things every day, new emotions, new sensory experiences – and we are here as their guide.
So why would we take their behaviour as they go along this journey personally?
Because we are human beings having our own experience also.
Last week, I really felt that my four-year old was throwing orange peel onto the lounge floor JUST to annoy me.
In a fleeting moment it felt as if yes, she was in fact doing it with full intention to disrespect me.
In an instant, feelings of anger started to wash over me. I was annoyed and irritated, why would she do that?
The story played out like a well-rehearsed play in my mind, she’s doing that because she has no respect, she is naughty, she is intentionally trying to spoil my day.
And then I caught myself.
She threw orange peel on the floor because she didn’t want it and it seemed to her the most logical thing to do in that moment.
I calmly explained that the bin was probably a better place for the orange peel to go and she agreed.
Had I not caught myself, well I imagine a battle of wills would have ensued and she would have probably been sat on a time out step crying.
Ps: I don’t actually have a time out step, but in the orange peel mood I was in, well one would have been whipped up toot sweet.
Removing ourselves as parents from the behaviour of our children allows for space in our mind.
Space for the wisdom and connection to occupy.
There is a saying – ‘see with your heart’ and I find this very helpful when parenting.
For a long time when I felt agitated by my children and their behaviour, I used to say to myself – what would my heart do?
This took my thinking in a new direction giving me a break, allowing a chink of light for my wisdom to shine through.
Every moment of conflict I have had with my children has, without exception, has come from me taking their words and behaviour personally.
Whenever I take a step back and allow the energy of that initial reaction to pass through me, I find my communication is a lot more effective.
Remembering that we are all experiencing life in exactly the same way.
There are times in our adult life when we are tired, preoccupied, engrossed and in those moments, we say things, do things and behave in ways that are just how we feel in that moment.
We are also very good at having to attach an emotion to a thing.
We need to have a reason for the way we feel a certain way and often attach it to the wrong thing.
I have in the past been trying to pop my youngest children to bed, knowing that I had a pile of work waiting for me downstairs.
Feeling the stress of that pile of work and misplacing that stress in thinking that my children not staying their beds was the reason.
When we are in a lower mood state, we think EVERYTHING is annoying us and the reason for our feeling state.
The traffic jam, the car that pulled out on us, the kids not getting their shoes on fast enough – it all looks plausible as the reason we are stressed.
But it’s not – This is just our human experience.
Our human experience is established based upon how we have made meaning of things as we go about our journey of life.
When we make meaning of things we are creating core beliefs from which we begin to filter our experience of life through.
The majority of our core beliefs being formed as children, these core beliefs become the lens of how we see life.
Our beliefs are formed based upon who we are as an individual, it’s a sense of self.
What does it mean about me? How does that impact me?
What do I, a separate self, believe about life?
Our brain plays a vital role in facilitating this human experience and very kindly stores for us every single emotional memory that ever was.
It stores how we make meaning of everything in life in relation to us.
Then as we go about life these memories pop into our awareness from time to time helping us to shape our experience in that moment – They become a point of reference of how we see life.
When our children don’t listen, don’t act in a way we think they should, they can trigger some of these core beliefs stored in our memory and if we are not aware that this is happening we can very easily take personal offense.
It’s an automatic process that happens in a blink of an eye, not to catch us out, but to help us navigate life.
For me the ‘not good enough’ core belief was the filter in which I viewed a lot of my children’s behaviour.
And of course, no one wants to feel not good enough, so I embarked on an imaginary quest to do better, with my children’s behaviour being the marker of success in that quest….
Knowing that my initial response to EVERYTHING is automated based on the past was life changing.
You see your child’s behaviour and communication in a different light.
Of course, there are times when I still see things through a personal lens, because I am a human being, and my humanness is very effective!
Choice became an option then.
I could choose to carry on down that initial path of emotion or I could pause and reflect and see what other ways I could view the situation.
Our initial response to anything is never fixed and is almost always filtered through – what does that mean about me?
The answer is actually – it means nothing about you.
When you take yourself out of the equation the situation always looks different.
But being curious and exploring the nature of my human experience and seeing how when I insert myself into situations the emotions are more challenging is a journey, we should all be unfolding.
The power of the pause in life is an underrated one, giving yourself a few moments for the emotional energy to pass makes all of the difference in the direction you then take in life.
Journal promptsto help you explore your parenting relationship:
The last time you struggled with your child’s behaviour / words, what did you perceive this to mean about you as a person / parent?
If you think of the last time you really struggled to give advice or guidance to your child, what emotions were you experiencing?
The emotions you were experiencing were coming from a thought in that moment, what was on your mind as you were processing the situation?
By Amy Whistance, Holistic Therapist, and CoAuthor of ‘Living Life Goddess Powered’
I have started a long-overdue blog and this is one of my first posts on what loneliness and anxiety were for me at stages in my life. I thought it may resonate for some of you. I think that there is a common misconception about what loneliness is.
Many people who have never experienced it think that it can be resolved by simply surrounding yourself with people. Anyone who has will know this to be far from the case. Loneliness has held different interpretations for me throughout the various stages of my life.
Well, I say different, at the core it was very much the same issue. As a child, I held back a secret. Sometimes it felt as though keeping that secret was all-consuming, other times I could push it right back in my mind, sometimes deluding myself, actually questioning it at all only to be reminded. I put on a mask at such a young age in the hopes to keep everyone happy, in the hopes that everyone would continue to love me.
My secret kept me trapped in my cage, separated from everyone. As a teen I had many friends, my family played a large part in my life, and yet, my shame kept me lonely. My friends all seemed so ‘together’ at the time. Their families loving and caring, they didn’t seem to have a care in the world. I tried to behave the same. ‘If they knew’ framed every moment and deep down I didn’t worthy of being in that circle. My shame kept me at a distance from my family. I wanted to protect them but at the same wanted to scream out, I was so angry.
‘How can you not see?’. ‘Do they just not care?’ The shame I felt kept me lonely. As an older teen, now in a relationship, I felt more isolated than ever. I had watched for years as my mother had hidden and lied about my Step Fathers physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I had by then opened up and been shut down by my family, the police, and my mother. I had learned that it was shameful and humiliating to expose and so when my own relationship very much resembled the physical and emotional abuse I kept quiet, in fact, I did worse.
I made out that everything was ok.My fear of humiliation and my belief that I was worth no more kept me lonely. After I fled my marriage we experienced incredibly difficult financial times. At the time a combination of misconceptions and beliefs I held about myself I agreed to enter the sex industry aside from my day job. I was no longer simply wearing the mask that I had donned when I was young, it was a part of me now. To my children, I was a hard-working mum who provided them with all of the materialistic items in life but was emotionally unavailable.
To my family, I was a successful child to be proud of. To my friends, I was someone that they could rely on to bend over backward for them and who had it all together. To my online fans in the industry, I was a very popular temptress, and to protect my family the world that I portrayed to them was purely fictional.
Some would say that I was made for that career and I have to agree. I, at my most broken and unhealed absolutely was. This continued until I reached a breaking point. I was unable to compartmentalise, I was mentally exhausted, had crippling depression and chronic anxiety. Throughout those stages, in my life, I had an abundance of people in my life but my loneliness bore an emptiness within me that is hard to explain.
Loneliness is -Feeling as though you have no one to turn to for support.
Feeling isolated (Often self-inflicted as it can feel like the only way to protect yourself).
Lack of genuine, healthy relationships. Lack of relationships in which you feel you can be authentically you. Loneliness is a warning sign just as hunger is. It is a pain to highlight a lack of human connection.
We as humans have a fundamental need for social interaction, to feel as though we belong.I don’t feel lonely anymore despite having fewer people in my life than ever before.
I don’t suffer from chronic anxiety either. It took a great deal of healing, most especially around the subject of my fear of being rejected and abandoned rooted in many childhood experiences.It took courage to be me.
There was a time that the secrets that I have shared so freely with the world up above that kept me caged with severe mental unwellness. There was a time that I believed that I would keep it all to my death.I chose to show up for myself, to the world. Me just as I am.
Warts and all.I am true to myself, I honour myself, I chase my passions and dreams, no fear of judgement, no f***s given because life truly is too short.
I don’t want to spend it in the misery that I lived before.
I express myself and make space for others to do the same. Life has turned around. Loneliness doesn’t live here anymore. Crippling anxiety has left its residence.
Amy Whistance, Holistic Therapist and Co-Author of ‘Living Life Goddess Powered’
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